First article: Why so close? Personal space is different in Mexico
It’s been 21 years, but a part of me still feels a little flustered giving and getting pecks on the cheek.
It’s not that I agonize over it. It’s just that this perfectly normal way in Mexico of meeting and greeting non-family members and then bidding them adieu will never feel to me, on a cellular level, 100% non-sexual.
To this gal from a country where Puritans were the cultural founders of the current regime, it feels ever-so-slightly mischievous.
If you’ve spent any amount of time in Mexico, you’ve probably noticed it: this population’s sense of personal space is a bit different than ours, “ours” meaning those of us from the countries that currently send the most visitors and immigrants Mexico’s way.
So in the spirit of cultural knowledge-sharing, let’s dive right into the spaces between what’s considered familiar and normal in Mexico.
First, a general statement: Mexico is a much more “touchy-feely” country than its north-er North American counterparts, the United States and Canada. While there will always be variety among individuals within a culture, we know for our own on an instinctual level what’s normal and what’s not. For unfamiliar cultures, there’s some learning to be done!
Normal: Standing, walking, and talking very close to you. The short explanation: this is a matter of the physical space available and how many people live and reside within a certain area.
You’ve probably noticed that this is not a country of wide, open spaces… or at least people don’t tend to live in its wide, open spaces, anyway. Lots of things seem smaller, too, because they are: the aisles in the grocery store, the parking spaces, the cars, the bathrooms, the tables and chairs, the streets, the sidewalks, the buses, the metro (oh God, the metro).
When this is the case, you just get used to being a little cozier all around, as eventually people simply stop noticing when they’re closer than they need to be (to the point, sometimes, that you can easily smell people’s breath when they talk). Ick, and you’re allowed to back up or turn to the side if they don’t catch the hint and mindlessly follow you; “This is my good ear,” I might say to be polite. The smaller spaces also mean that most people are oblivious to the fact that you think they have any polite responsibility at all to move over to let you rush past them on the sidewalk. Move where?
Not normal: Standing or sitting right next to you when it’s not necessary to do so. If you’re packed into a metro, chances are you’re going to be standing pretty darn close to others. If you’re on a nearly-empty bus and someone plops down in the seat right next to you, though, you might want to get up and move toward the driver.
Especially if you’re a woman, you’ll want to be cautious with distance. If your spidey senses are telling you that some dude is standing way closer behind you in line than he needs to, a full-bodied turn to the side (pro tip: get your butt to a point where it’s not facing him) and a quick “What do you want?” look is totally called for.
Normal: Quick pecks on the cheek to meet, greet, and bid farewell to friends and acquaintances, mostly in casual social situations. Ah, the kiss. If you’re from a place where kisses are mostly reserved for romantic partners and one’s own young children, kissing people who don’t fall into those categories might always feel just a little bit devious to you. It still does to me, and I’ve been here for over two decades. But oh, how I love having a set physical protocol and the bookends that they naturally put on either end of social interactions!
So how’s it done, exactly? First, it’s most typical to go in for it by moving your head slightly to the left. You’ll likely touch cheeks with the other person, but the kiss will mostly be in the air next to them and will not necessarily land on their skin. If you’re just meeting the other person, this might be accompanied by a simultaneous handshake that begins a second or so before, and if you already know them, you might lightly grab their left shoulder as well before pulling apart. If you’re good friends, a full-on hug could happen, too – oh, boy! Women and women kiss, women and men kiss, and men and men usually shake hands and maybe do the shoulder squeeze thing or a hug.
If you really don’t want to kiss-greet someone, just offer your hand for a shake, and use it to keep the distance between your bodies, which should get the message across.
Not Normal: Kisses from random strangers or in professional settings, and slobbery kisses planted firmly on your cheek (or on your mouth – yikes!). Remember, kisses are not required or expected in all social situations: you don’t kiss the clerk at the grocery store or the immigration officer or the person who’s interviewing you for a job.
When I taught high school, I did not greet or say goodbye to my students with kisses – not even the ones I was on a friendly basis with (plus, we’d have never had time for the actual class!). Mexicans tend to be unshy about respecting social hierarchies, and it would be rare to lean in for a kiss toward someone in a position of either authority or subordination in relation to you, or you to them.
When in doubt, a handshake is always polite!
Normal: Hugs from good friends and family members; a light touch on the shoulder or arm from a stranger who needs your attention. It’s interesting to note that in a culture generally more comfortable with physical closeness and touching, hugs seem to be considered more intimate here than those air kisses next to the cheek. But if you think about it, it makes quite a bit of sense: a short moment of facial closeness is a lot less contact than pressing your entire bodies against each other for a few seconds! That’s why hugs are usually reserved for really good friends, family, and romantic partners.
Not normal: Hugs from strangers, or even acquaintances that you’re not close to; a stranger grabbing you or touching you anywhere below your shoulder. If you don’t want to press your body up against someone else’s, by all means, don’t – you’re not obliged! And if a stranger grabs you around your waist, whip around and give a well-deserved “back off” dirty look.
So there you have it! This is an article and not a book, of course, and is therefore not an exhaustive list. But I hope it’s given you at least a somewhat broad idea of what to expect in your personal interactions in Mexico. Go forward and kiss the air next to people’s faces!
Or maybe just a handshake.
And another installment of Mexican memes:
What are the funniest memes making the rounds in Mexico? Honestly, we don’t know.
But hey – we do have some good ones!
So welcome, one and all, to this week’s installment of “What Does It Meme?”, Mexico News Daily’s bimonthly collection of humorous memes in Spanish, complete with Spanish to English translations and explanations.
So take a load off, learn some Spanish, and have a good laugh!
Meme Translation: “Alexa, whistle at the corn guy.”
What does it meme? Most of us are now familiar with Alexa, the smart home AI assistant. She’s starting to catch on (albeit slowly) in some Mexican homes, too!
Alas, there are some things Alexa can’t do, like stick her head out the front door and whistle to get someone’s attention.
That’s too bad, because the elote guy’s attention is something you want. If you don’t make it out of your house on time, he might just pass you by! Who is “al de los elotes”? He’s a guy who pushes around a cart of delicious corn on the cob (usually steamed), as well as kernelled corn for cups (in that presentation it’s called “esquite.”) An “elote” is corn on the cob with all the fixings, which in Mexico includes mayonnaise, lime, cheese, and picante (powdered spice; you can also ask for “el que no pica” – the one that’s not as spicy). Until Alexa grows legs, flagging down the elotes is up to you!
Meme Translation: “When I’m old I’m going to be super cool, not some bitter old man.” “Me, old: ‘Assholes.’” (“Al chile,” the symbol in the upper corner, means something like “for real” or “seriously”, by the way…don’t ask me what it’s doing there).
What does it meme? My partner sent me this one after an extended laugh; he’s not yet 40, but has often said he already feels like an old man in a young person’s body.
I’ve got to admit, I sympathize with the dude in the meme…my goodness is it easy to get frustrated with random people, especially when they’re driving terribly! I’m working on relaxing my face from a permanent scowl when I’m on the road, but only Botox could hide it at this point, I fear.
Meme Translation: “Humans around a campfire…it’s cold and I’m starving, I could ask for something to eat. What’s the worst that could happen?” “10,000 years later”
What does it meme? This is one of my favorite memes, like, ever; I’ve seen it in English as well (lots of memes actually get translated and republished these days, which to me is the internet working the way it’s supposed to: spreading good laughs). The pictures might change, but there’s always a wolf on top and an assortment of derpy-looking dogs on the bottom.
I think of it every time the temperature dips below 70 degrees Fahrenheit and all the dogs in my neighborhood are immediately outfitted with sweaters. Oh, how the mighty have fallen!
Meme Translation: “Lesbian: a woman who likes another woman.” “Gay: a man who likes another man.” “Puto: the one who’s reading this.”
What does it meme? Well, we’ve got to have at least one kind of offensive meme in the stack! The last line is a very old joke, similar to the “For a good time, call…” messages seen on US bathroom walls for decades. “Puto” is a derogatory term used for gay men, which is why I didn’t translate it to that above; it also connotes prostitution (“puta,” its female equivalent, means “whore”).
I don’t recommend that anyone use either of those words to insult someone, but I am proud to have introduced you to one of Mexico’s oldest vulgar jokes. You’re welcome!
Meme Translation: 🎶 “My first jooooob…” 🎶
What does it meme? Now let’s swim back up through the decades to arrive at a much more recent meme, usually shown in video fmemeorm; here’s a compilation of typical examples.
Here’s how it goes: there’s a kind of silly song called “Mi Primera Chamba” (My First Job), and it’s always set to videos of people failing spectacularly and hilariously at their jobs.
Cynicism about humanity and the state of the world right now seems to know no bounds, so God creating humans (unfortunately) seems to fit the genre just fine.
Meme Translation: “Good herb – yerba buena.” “The band – lavanda.”
What does it meme? In Mexico, we like to play around with terrible translations as much as anyone, and they can be extra funny when they’re literal.
“Yerba buena” is the Spanish name for the spearmint plant, which I find adorable – the person who named it must have either really liked it, or just not known much about botany (“yerba mala,” for the record, is what they call weeds). But “good herb” is indeed the literal translation and a good example of why you shouldn’t trust literal translations.
“Lavanda” is the word for lavender; “la banda” (pronounced the same, as there’s hardly a distinction in the way “v” and “b” are pronounced here) is a kind of funny and super casual way to say “the guys” or “the group,” in addition to, of course, an actual band…people even sometimes kind of narrow their eyes and slow their speech to say it, doing their best imitation of a hippie high on pot.
Meme Translation: “Tlaloc likes it when you offer your recently washed clothes to him in sacrifice.”
What does it meme? When it comes to hanging your laundry out to dry around here, Murphy’s Law seems to kick in every time. There might not be a cloud in the sky when you hang it, then an hour later, boom: it’s drizzling and the sky is threatening more.
But here’s a more fun way to look at it: a sacrifice to the old Aztec god Tlaloc, god of rain! Hopefully, all those freshly washed clothes please him and he’ll bless us by warding off drought and water shortages. Keep those sacrifices coming, people!
Being in Mexico since 2009 and married to a Mexicana for 8 years, I am Still confused on the kiss or hug or handshake.
Now I stand and let the other person decide. Sometimes I will give a real hug to see what happens.
Your explanations were easy to understand the who, and whys. It is still uneasy to jump in and giving hugs and kisses. I don't want to be the 'dirty old man'. ha
I would gladly throw all my cloths outside if it would bring rain! Unusually hot and dusty here in Ajijic, and it's not yet May!
By the way, Sarah, Would you please tell me a little more about sidewalk etiquette? I usually have to walk around people talking on the sidewalk and go onto the street. And it seems that there is no "keep to the right" custom, right? What about people who always put up stands to sell things to force one to take to the street? Is this legal, or illegal and just ignored? Is it legal to put buckets, rocks, chairs, etc., on the street to "save" parking spaces? Is the answer to this the same one I always get when I question something: "This is Mexico"? I would appreciate some of your insight. Thanks, Loretta